i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
