I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
