I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
