she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
