Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
