Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
