Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
