I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
