Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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