im having a threesome with these popsicles
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
