Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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