I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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