And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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