I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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