im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
