Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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