Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
