she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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