whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
