omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize