Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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