god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
