shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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