Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
