I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
