apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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