what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
