Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
