Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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