We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love you. Go after that dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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