i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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