i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize