This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
