shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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