proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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