I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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