After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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