just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
