I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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