its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize