So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
