is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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