This is not my ceiling
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
this hospital has no fireball
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize