Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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