people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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