It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize