People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize