I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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