My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i dont even know how to be here
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
