She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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