we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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