chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
