I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
