This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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