remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
