Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
