tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Alive.
So much puke
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
