dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
