when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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