mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
