With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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