I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
