We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
