I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
