My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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