Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
