So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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